The Masseuse
by MuseQ
Summary: Hermione's new scheme to make a few extra galleons creates havoc at Hogwarts with the students and the staff.


The Masseuse

Fic by MuseQ

Disclaimer:  Ah, phooey with the disclaimer… I own the world!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!  Alright, I don't… not even Harry Potter…

Chapter 1:  Lady Granger: Trained Masseuse

*****

"You're doing _what_?"

"Exactly what I said."  Hermione smiled broadly at her two best friends who were unmistakably going to give her full support on what she was planning to do.

"But… _why_?"

"Do you remember when I chatted on endlessly about training courses in healing charms?  Well, after a bit of research I found a course that I'm interested in taking after we graduate.  The problem is that it's terribly expensive."

"But… _why?_"

"Oh, _Ron_!  It's not all as bad as you think.  It pays extremely well."

"A lot of scarlet jobs pay well-"

"It is not a _scarlet job_, whatever that is!"  Ron's ears turned pink.  "It happens to be a highly appraised job in the medical field.  And for a beginner, the rate is ten galleons minimum per hour."

"Do you even know how to do it?"

"Of course I do, Harry.  I used the savings I had to buy lessons from a healer and all the equipment I needed."

"Equipment?"

C'mon, Ron!  You don't expect me to just invite customers up to my dorm, lather them up and say, 'Alright then, the bed's right there, just hop right on and we'll get started!'"

Ron's ears went darker.

"Ron?"

The two stared at their red-headed friend.  He seemed to be highly interested in his shoes.

"… My mum told me about them, and…"

Hermione rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue loudly.

"Honestly Ron, I'm not doing anything disapproving!  I've even got permission from Dumbledore!"

Ron still looked apprehensive.  Hermione sighed.  "Look, I'll try it on you if you like.  Free of charge."

Ron's face now matched his ears.  Harry concentrated hard on not smiling.

"Well, I think it's a great idea."  Said Harry, not to look at Ron.  "Of course we'll help you, _both_ of us."  Ron nodded slowly still looking at his shoes.

"Aright then!"  Hermione picked up a box sitting next to her and pulled out a stack of papers.  "I'll need all of these distributed around the school by Friday.  Ginny has already started the mailing lists-"

Ron finally looked up at her.  "Ginny's helping too?"

"Yep."  She smiled excitedly.  "She's helping me with my mail orders.  Clients are able to pre-order time slots so nothing would be done at the last minute."  Harry and Ron raised their eyebrows.

"You sure put a lot of thought into this, 'Mione."

"I did have the whole summer, didn't I?  Anyway, just make sure the flyers are posted.  Keep all the extras in the Common Room, in case anyone would want a copy."  Suppressing the urge to burst with excitement, Hermione closed the box and jogged up the staircase to her dorm.

Not knowing what else to say, Harry and Ron peered down at the stack of flyers in their hands:

..

Lady Granger:  Trained Masseuse

*Is a hard day at Hogwarts stressing you out?

*So much, in fact, your back feels like It will never work properly again?

*Then fear no more, Lady Granger has the solution you've been looking for!

*For only ten Galleons an hour, Lady Granger will make you feel as good as new using top-of-the-line potions and oils used by only the best healers in the therapeutic field.

Send owl to Ginny Weasley to pre-order a time slot, or talk to Hermione Granger personally.  Time slots are below:

..

A large box at the bottom of the flyer contained a complicated table of time slots, which seemed to revolve strictly around Hermione's schedule.  At the very bottom gave directions to a room on the third floor where the sessions would take place.

"Hey, that's the Charms classroom!"  Said Ron, reading the directions.

Harry's eyes swept over the schedule, and he smiled slightly.  "Well then, I guess Flitwick must be getting a discount on his sessions."

The two looked at each other and burst out laughing.

*

"This is an outrage!"  Professor Snape's voice burst through the staff meeting in a loud growl.  He had a piece of  paper clutched in one pale hand and was holding it so tight his fingers were poking holes through it.  The teachers were all looking his way, some surprised and shocked at his behavior, others thoroughly interested; Dumbledore, however, seemed very calm, and the usual twinkle in his eyes showed he was enjoying himself.

"Professor Snape, you wish to bring a conflict to our attention?"

Snape leaned on the large desk in front of him, the paper still trapped underneath his tense hand.  "I most certainly do, Headmaster!"

"Then you have the floor, professor."  Dumbledore leaned back into his chair, and gave Professor McGonagall a reassuring look; she looked ready to tell Snape off.

"This," he snarled, thrusting Hermione's advertisement into the crowd of teachers circled around him, "is nothing more than an attempt for attention from classmates in a most provocative and inappropriate manner!" 

Dumbledore scratched his nose.  "I trust you know, Severus, exactly how much confidence I have in Ms. Granger about doing the right thing.  However, if what you say is true,  I have wronged you greatly, for I have already approved her little business for Hogwarts staff and Hogsmeade customers on weekends as well."

Severus blanched.  "You did _what?_"  A snort from the back of the room broke the thick silence that followed.  "Don't you _dare_ say anything, Lupin…"

Remus Lupin blinked.  "I wasn't about to, Severus, but now that _you_ said something…"  He stood up and walked slowly passed Snape, enjoying how he stood was rigid with anger.  "Headmaster, permit me to say so; I believe what Ms. Granger is doing is just for her age.  I know many students that couldn't handle their seventh year schoolwork and run a successful business at the same time, but Hermione is different. She has that drive, and I know she'll be successful." He tried a glance at Snape, who pretended that he didn't hear a word Lupin said.

"Her provocative antics are-"

"They are not provocative, Headmaster-"

"They are so; the whole situation is inappropriate for this school!"

"She was trained from a _healer_, for God's sakes!  Whatever she does is perfectly-"

"You don't know what you're talking about, Remus!"

"Actually, Severus, I think _you_-"

"SIT DOWN!"

Lupin and Snape jumped and looked around at McGonnagal, who was livid.  "This is a staff meeting, not a debate class!" 

Dumbledore leaned forward and cocked a smile. "Well, I believe we have a situation."  

"what are we going to do, Headmaster?"  Said Severus after a pause.  "Obviously the staff is not unanimous on the approval of this 'business' or whatever she claims it to be."  He waved a hand around the room impatiently.  "Whoever agrees with me please address the Headmaster."

Silence.  Sprout looked like she was about to raise her hand, but ended up scratching her head.

Lupin suppressed another snort.

"Headmaster,"  Severus hissed, shooting a threatening glance at the rest of the staff, "I am _sure _more of us are opposed to this ordeal, and I think-"

Lupin laughed out his words.  "Severus, _I _am sure you wouldn't be so stiff-nosed over this if you made an appointment yourself."

"Ah, and we have a solution."

Lupin and Snape looked quickly at Dumbledore who rose from his chair, smiling.  "By the end of this month, I want every person in this room on Ms. Granger's list for an appointment.  Report back to me about whether you thought is was school appropriate or not.  Is everyone clear?" He was answered with nods around the room, with the exception of two.  "Alright then, I believe this meeting is finished."

Snape was speechless.

"Ah, professor…," Lupin said as the professors filed out around them, "I wasn't being serious before… I really don't think this would be-"

"-appropriate, Remus?"  McGonnagal said scathingly.  "She _was_ trained by a healer, after all… Just be professional about it and it'll be plenty appropriate for you."

Dumbledore just kept smiling.


End file.
